Trying or trying

Trying to draw, trying to be friends and falling into Grandma's heart so easily.

My life is very different right now, my head and heart are in so many different places. I try to do the best I can , but I forget things. I am sad about things. I am grateful for small things. I am to visit the Oncologist in a few days to get ready for radiation. maybe 5 weeks worth , who really knows. I have had a long hard wait while my Surgeon was away doing good in another country for 3 weeks. Then appointments being messed up. Waiting is so hard. I have never found it to be this hard before. I am trying to not let it get to me.
I am trying to achieve normal stuff again. like pegging out the wash.
on the same day I washed it . I am doing that now. Once it took me 3 times washed to one peg out.
I am trying to pull some fast growing grass from my garden each day .
I am trying not to cry a lot or as often. My heart is thankful, my eyes leak a lot.
I am trying to sew some cot blankets for little orphans I would love to cuddle and be their mummy. But I am classed as too old now. I would love to cuddle my own grand babies more often. But don't want to haunt the homes of my children.
I am trying to count my blessings.
I am trying to wait until Wednesday, 10th and I am sure there will be more waiting after that.